Wednesday, July 25, 2007

I never knew the weather could be so exciting


I never said I was smart. I never said I, "watch the news." I never said that I'm smart and watch the news.

It's true. I would prefer watching Scrubs to the local news. And do you know why? It's about 10% that the weather guy/girl are trying to make San Diego's weather exciting, about 30% that they are talking about negative body-cutter-uppers, and about 60% that, obvious to everyone, that all the news casters really want, is to just get it on.

And by on - I mean "ON."

I was watching a woman and a man (it could have been a man and a man - or a woman and a woman but it wasn't. Just because it wasn't doesn't mean that I don't approve of gay newscasters. OK? Get off my fucking back already!) at the end of the news and I swear I could see fireworks. It was like the fucking Fourth of July on NBC. There was teasing and some giggling and maybe even some pinching. Ok - maybe there was no pinching but I bet as soon as the camera was off they had there hands on each others private parts.

It was that obvious.

So what I propose is that if you are a newscaster and you feel the need to get it on with your fellow newscaster, just lay it all out. It's ok to kiss on TV right? How much more exciting would the news be if you saw you favorite newscaster having a good make out session on national TV? That is, if only you aren't one of those obsessed people who have crushes on the weather girl and someday hope to have babies with her and go through her garbage and have a night vision lens on your camera...

So I'm sending out a memo. Make out or get out!!! Get it, got it good!! Cut it out!!! (like Joey from Full House? Anyone??????)

Damn I need a newscaster make out session,

Erica-miss-lonely-watching-TV-by-herself-
with-a-screwdriver-and-her-dog

27 comments:

Gregg O'Connell said...

newcasters are like officeworkers...you see those officeworkers more than you're family..so in a sense they become your family....get it? got it? Good!

Mistress Empyrean said...

I always wanted to be a weatherman. What other job would allow you to be wrong 70% of the time and not have to worry about being fired?

Oh, and two words: Ron Burgundy!

Phronk said...

You forgot to do the hand motions along with "cut. it. out."

The weather lady around here looks like Big Bird. And I may only be saying that because of your last post, but seriously, she has fluffy feather hair and a beak-nose. I would not enjoy "going through her garbage."

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Dude. Our news people are scary old and look like they've been through the plastic surgery mill a few times.

So while making out would certainly make our news more interesting, it probably wouldn't do much to turn people on. Maybe the people who go to rotten.com, but not the regular audience anyway.

M@ said...

I love the old-timey newscasts with Cronkite.

I love how they'd take a drag of their cigareete--mid-sentence--before going on to report about the White House or the Soviet Union.

Did you know original prototypes for space ships had ashtrays?

The Diva's Thoughts said...

Hey!!! No one better not down Scrubs!!!!! I much prefer watching Scrubs then the news too. lol

blog Portland said...

When I lived in Corpus Christi, there were husband and wife co-anchors, and you could tell that they just despised each other. But at least the guy was always cracking jokes at his mother-in-law's expense.

Erica AP said...

Gregg: So you want to make out with your coworkers because they feel like family? (Cough, weirdo, cough...)

Mistress Empyrean: You are so right!! They could basically say anything and everyone would be like, "It's not like we can really tell the future..." Hells yeah to Ron.

Phronk: Ok - lets say I gave her a make over... Then would you consider going through her garbage?

QofD: So let me get this straight... You don't like seeing old people make out? That's too bad because I had this video called, "Rocking It On A Rocking Chair" that I was going to send to you. I guess it's your loss...

Matt: Really? I don't think I've ever seen those old newscasters... And you are filled with knowledge today... Ashtrays in space??? Wicked!!

Diva: I love Scrubs too and even though they can't tell me about the shooting down the street, they do teach me about the morals in life... Haha...

Portland: That's awesome. So everyone knew they were married? I wonder if they are still married... It's probably like that new show with Frasier and Ray Ramano's wife...

Captain Smack said...

It's the same deal where I live. You can totally tell that the weather lady wants to jump the sports guy, and it's really funny. It adds a little much needed tension. Other than that, the local news is complete crap. Every other story is a thinly veiled advertisement for some smiley-facey local event, so they might as well just show some heavy petting instead.

Mr. Bud said...

M@, huh. well there was an ashtray on the space ship when they Just dropped me off..?

i don't think many people would really watch the weather if she is sitting on his lap screaming 'front' 'low' 'high pressure' 'oh-ver there..'
'oooh, now it's raining and the sun is out!'
wait let me re-think that.
huh. i'd watch. huh. might boost ratings...

a screwdriver. huh. maybe i should send you some girly catalogs i throw away.

oh and to stay with the political correctness.. 'she who might be chasing the weather GUY and hover outside his apartment and.. etc.)
can't win can ya.

CarmenSinCity said...

I love a good makeout session!!!!

Erica AP said...

Captain Smack: So do you go to all those happy events and tell everyone the sexual tense newscasters told you to go? They might look at you weird so make sure to have a good supporting line to follow.

Mr. Bud: I love girly magazines!! Don't through them out unless you rip out all the cool ads first. Ok?? And thank you for correcting my sexist assumption. I need someone to keep me in line.

Carmen: Me too!!! Let's make out sometime!! Just kidding... Or am I??? Yes - I am. :)

Blondie said...

Sold.
I'd watch that news.
1/2 news.
1/2 porn.
Oh, I'd so fucking watch that.

Erica AP said...

Blondie: I can't remember in what country but there is (or was) a news station that had only hot women on it and they would strip while telling the news. Haha... Almost similar to your fantasy!

Jay said...

I really miss San Antonio when I watch the local news here. All those Spanish babes doing the news and weather. I usually just muted the sound cause I really didn't care what they were talking about. I do the same thing on Telemundo. Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh yeah the news.

A couple of months ago I was watching the local news with my mother, who watches the news every single time it comes on, and the woman newscaster was screwing everything up. She couldn't do anything right. So, I asked "Who did she blow to get this job?" Well the other night right at the end of the newscast she told everybody about some dude who was a producer with the station had died earlier that day. Then she burst out into tears and was sobbing and shit. Guess I know who she was blowing now huh? ;-)

Slick said...

Well, now if they'd do that kinda stuff, maybe even I would watch the news more often.

I think you got a fine idea Erica ;)

Erica AP said...

Jay: Eww... You are such a guy. :) Dude! That's so funny. Do you think she was in love or in lust? Or just crying because she knew she would lose her job?

Slick: I'm glad you approve of my awesome idea. I think most people would watch more news that way. :)

Queen of Dysfunction said...

No, Erica, it's cool. Really. I mean, I like you and all but the whole geriatric porn thing is well, icky.

Dan said...

I watch Fox because of all the Fox babes. Gosh, they have them in, like, every flavor!

But isn't there something called Nude News on the web somewhere? I'm not sure where because you have to pay for it. I only know where the free stuff is.

Hugs Erica!

morbid misanthrope said...

I think I’d rather just watch Rod Luck, falling-all-over-himself drunk, bothering people like he always does. Now that’s a newsman.

Five cool points to you for referencing Full House.

Tammie Jean said...

I would love to see that. It would actually make me watch the news if afterwards, the male newscaster says "Have a good night... I know I will!" and then he turns to the woman on his left and makes out with her. Screw professionalism...

velvet said...

Our local news is so bad that I wouldn't tune into it unless I was going to see them getting it on on the news desk.

Love seeing that obvious sexual tension, though. hee hee

J said...

I can agree that newscasters want to get busy, and maybe with some sort of voyeurism to feed their ego's, but shit - that would be one awkward display. These are some of the most plastic people on the face of the earth. It would be a scary thing to witness what their idea of affection is.
Clammy hands and scripted "oh yes, right there, oh yes's".

Erica AP said...

QofD: Really? No old people getting it on? Oh well. How about midgets? Travis seems to like them...

Dan: That's what I was telling Blondie... I think it was in another country or something where the hot girls would strip while telling the news. But I'm sure if you wanted to pay for it, its out there on the world wide web. Let me know if you find it... Haha...

Morbid Misanthrope: I don't know who Rod Luck is but I'll let that slide because you said I'm cool. Or at least 5 points cooler. How many points till I'm the coolest??

Tammie Jean: Haha... That would be so funny... But I imagine that they probably wouldn't like making out every time if the HAD to do it. What if they had an argument earlier??

Erica AP said...

J: Haha... That would be awesome if it was scripted. It would definitely be interesting to watch... not sexy but interesting. :)

Diesel said...

At least you don't have to watch them giving each other virtual hugs.

Erica AP said...

Diesel: What's this virtual hug you speak of??? I need to know! I'm pretty sure my life depends on it.