Tuesday, May 15, 2007

It's a little pink and a little rubbery


Have you ever just wanted a fucking hot dog? A greasy, hot, grilled hot dog? Why does this item have to be made with all the things that are half real and half pig?? Why does something so bad for you, have to taste and smell so god damn good?

Fuck you Wienerschnitzel!!!

If you don't know what this is, you are better off. When I move to CA I had no idea what this was. It sounds German and dirty at the same time!!! Who names their restaurant Wienerschnitzel? For those of you that don't know what this is, it is a fast food hot dog joint. And not only does it serve the yummy/disgusting hot dog, it is housed in a triangle. The building is red and yellow and the roof extends to the freaking ground. So not only do you get your dose of Yellow #5 in your food, you get your dose of an extremely obnoxious building to look at while you are waiting for your nasty chili dog. I didn't even know that people put chili on their hot dogs. God - American's are the most creative fucking people I know. God bless us. Haha...

So I actually didn't really have a point to this post other than that I'm pissed that hot dogs are so bad for us. With all that pork and beef you would thing that SOMETHING good had to come out of it (like protein or... or something) but it seems like the only good thing that comes out of it is that it's kinda falic looking and that's pretty freaking funny. Eating a falic symbol, plain and simple, is pretty fucking hilarious... And gross... And disturbing... And kinda funny. Did I say that already?? AAAaaahhh....

So when you go to the grocery store and are thinking about getting some Oscar Myer Winners, just be reminded of all the creative American's that decided that putting chilly, pastrami and anything else that is full of fat on top of the food we call a staple, because what would the world be without a pink, rubbery, treat that let's you live out all your Bobbitt fantasies??? Haha... Was that taking the joke too far?

I guess I'll never know because I won't change this post even if I get hate mail. (Where's my god damn hate mail, already??)

Cheese dog lover,
Erriiccaa

45 comments:

Gregg O'Connell said...

dude Weinerschnitzel has a hot dog where the put "a hot dog, mustard, pickel and pastrami" all in a bun...their nucking futs!

Matt said...

I'd rather watch you eat a banananananana.

Jay said...

There was a Weinerschnitzel just a few blocks from my apartment in San Antonio. It had this strange magnetic pull to it. People would try to resist but they couldn't. Which is funny cause we can all resist those 6 month old hot dogs that have been on the little rotating racks under the heat lamp at 7-11 with no problem.

We both referenced Lorena Bobbit in our posts today. That's kinda weird huh?

Why would you get hate mail? Everybody loves you!

Travis said...

I'm a little tired at the moment so the funny is not yet running through my veins but i will return to make the following types of jokes:

weiner jokes
erica + weiner jokes
erca + weiner in the mouth jokes
erica with a weiner joke
erica paying for weiners jokes.

Wavemancali said...

When I moved to CA and saw a Weinerschnitzel for the first time I was so completely in the mood for a wienerschnitzel (a breaded pork cutlet). There were 2 places in Toronto that made them so great I had become hooked on this particular food

When I walked in and found that they didn't sell wienerschnitzel. I was completely crushed. I still resent them to this day because of it, but they do make a fine Italian sausage especially if you get it on the pretzel bun.

Travis said...

Joke # 1

Erica when you're gadding about town and getting a craving for weiner; how much are you willing to spend to satisfy your mouth craving for meat?

Diesel said...

My guilty pleasure is eating polish sausages from the cart outside of Home Depot.

I'm so ashamed.

Erica AP said...

Gregg: I know!!! They are crazy bastards! Pretty soon they will be putting maple syrup on them...

Matt: Why? Because yellow is your favorite color? Haha...

Jay: Oh my god!! We must be connected on some weird hot dog level of the universe! And I want to experience hate mail so that I know that I'm an actual a bonafide blogger. Everyone cool gets hate mail!! Haha...

Travis: I'm extremely excited for your jokes to come. For being tired your funniness still shines through... Answer to #1 - $3.75.

Wavemancali: Wow! I had no idea that was a real food! But I'm really not into pork unless it's a hot dog so I don't think I'll be looking for the real deal. But I hope someday you can get over the hurt that this restaurant bestode upon you... :)

Erica AP said...

Diesel: They have one on the corner of where I live (maybe it's a Mexican hot dog??) but it smells so freaking good, but I'm scared to order one because I'm afraid I'll have to speak Spanish to them and all I know of the language is a couple of numbers. Haha... Who sounds a little crazy???

Travis said...

Joke #2

How does erica putis like her weiners prepared?

Freshly groomed and smothered in underwear.

dave evanns said...

I had the best one a few years ago....
A nice fat hot dog, sliced open in the middle and melted cheese on it, then wrapped in bacon. Called the Francheesie.

My heart hurt after eating it, but god damn it was good!

Geeky Dragon Girl said...

I want to go buy a pack of chicken franks now just so I can have an excuse to get those awesome grill weiner roasters in the photo!

Erica AP said...

Travis: Good one but I'm disappointed you answered that one for me. Oh - this isn't an interview?????

Dave: Wow - that does sound artery clogging but I bet it tasted better than a Werthers Original hard candy!!

Geeky Dragon: I know!!! I laughed so hard when I saw that picture... And I thought the same thing... How awesome would it be to have those guys grilling your dogs??

Captain Smack said...

Interesting fact: the colors red & yellow are supposed to help induce hunger. That's why so many fast food restaurants use those colors; because the food sucks, so they have to cheat and use mind control.

Erica AP said...

Captain Smack: That really IS an interesting fact... I didn't even realize that lots of fast food joints are red and yellow. Now I'm going to be one of those annoying kids who points it out every time I see something red and yellow. Thanks Captain!!

jane said...

I grew up with Weinerschnitzel, so until now I thought they were in every state. And now, I'm tempted to have chili dogs for dinner, cept I'm not eating beef or pork anymore. Crap.
Chicken hot dogs are good & I may or may not be trying tofu hot dogs in the near future.
Those weiner dudes are too cool!

Erica AP said...

Jane: Turkey dogs and tofu dogs are pretty good. The only time I eat real hot dogs is when I'm out... I'm much wiser when I'm at the grocery store. I'm going to have to buy some too now!! :)

The Boob Lady said...

Holy Feck, I love roasted hot dogs. Thanks a lot Erica, now I am craving a weiner. I still love you the most though. :)

Erica AP said...

Boob Lady: I know!! I just wrote this entry on a whim and now I have to have one for dinner tonight... There's just no escaping it... :)

wormbrain said...

A Nathan's hot dog, slathered in ketchup and mustard.. with some fries and a Bud Light --> I'm in Heaven.

Erica AP said...

Wormbrain: My friend's dad invested in buying a couple of hot dog restaurant chains because he liked the hot dogs so much!!! I want to say it was Nathans but I'm not positive. :)

Captain Smack said...

So, by the way - this chain of restaurants... do they pronounce it "VEE-ner-shnit-zull"?

Erica AP said...

Captain Smack: They actually pronounce it "Weeeener-shnit-zull". Haha...

Natalie said...

When I was a teenager, we used to cruise "Central" and basically just drive up and down all night.
My favorite part was when we'd drive by the Der Weinerschnitzel... because... there was a black, transexual hooker workin' the Weinerschitz! She was fabulous in her four inch come fuck me pumps and her Diana Ross doo... in her bad-self, 6' 5" frame... wavin' her hanky to everyone who honked.
Man, I miss that woman.

Michael C said...

That is one of my favorite fast food joints. The work gang goes there at least once a week. Then, one of us usually goes home sick ;-)

Erica AP said...

Natalie: I miss that woman too and I've never even met her... I wish we had one of our own transsexuals at our Weinerschnitzel. Do you think she eats hot dogs??

Michael C: Haha... Yeah - that processed pork will do a number to your insides. :)

imp said...

Veinerschnitzel is sooooooooo NOT pork! `Tis veal! Unt, mighty fine, slathered in egg wash and bread crumbs, quick fried to a golden brown. A bit of baby calf.
Dume Kofts!

But dayum!, I sure do like me a mighty fine chilly cheeze dawg!

Erica AP said...

IMP: I was informed by Wavemancali that Weinerschnitzel is an actual meal... I hope you enjoy it as much as your chilly cheese dog!

Natalie said...

I'm pretty sure she's had her mouth around a weinie or two...

*snicker*

Matt said...

What I can't fathom is you having Gregg's weiner in your mouth.... ;)

Erica AP said...

Natalie: Probably... probably... :)

Matt: So Gregg is a transvestite that stands around out side of Weinerschnitzel? Oh - you are talking about me... Well - you don't have to imagine it because it never happened. I'm saving myself for God.

Captain Smack said...

I believe Travis sill owes us two more jokes.

Erica AP said...

Captain Smack: I was thinking the same exact thing. I'll have to go hunt him down to fulfill his duty.

Kristi said...

Mmmmmm...hot dogs..

Matt said...

I AM God. ;)

Erica AP said...

Kristi: I hear ya sista!

Matt: I was told when I was little that God didn't hail from Vermont but from Iowa. Weird - I know... But who am I to questions God's birthplace? So in conclusion I'd have to say your are fibbing.

Malathionman said...

I want one of those hot dog cookers in the picture.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Here's your hate mail. Or, uh, hate comment.

Why did you have to post that photo? Now I have to explain to my kids what a dong is, and now they'll probably get into my collection again and won't believe me when I tell them they're like Lincoln Logs for adults.

Dammit Erica!

Erica AP said...

Malathionman: I know - how awesome would it be to have a cook out with some wiener griller's like that!!

QofD: Are you saying that you are a Bobbitt kind of girl or are you talking about your fine and realistic collection of dildos? Haha...

Heather said...

I freakin LOOOOVE hot dogs! Especially chili cheese dogs! Well then, guess what I'm having for lunch has been decided.

Erica AP said...

Heather: You know I've never had chili on a hot dog... Everyone keeps raving about it - maybe I should get one just to experience the wonders of it all... :)

Heather said...

Yes, yes you really should. I didn't for the longest time, but man, am I glad I did!

velvet girl said...

Mmmm, hot dogs.

Funny that they named a hot dog joint after a pounded, breaded veal dish (though I get the Weiner part and all). Pretty funny. We don't have those around here and I'd never heard of them until now. You learn something new every day.

velvet girl said...

Oh, you might want to try Applegate Farms uncured hot dogs... we get 'em at Whole Foods. No scary chemicals, only ten ingredients, and the ingredients are all recognizable. They're pretty good, too. As to what part the "beef" is from, perhaps that's one area where ignorance is bliss.

Erica AP said...

Heather: Done!! I'm doing it!

Velvet: Last weekend, because of all the hot dog talk, I bought some tofu ones. They are really healthy and have 0 grams of fat!!! I haven't tried them yet but I'm hoping they taste ok. :)