Sunday, April 15, 2007
You think you are so smart, huh??
I have a small bladder... Maybe it's a girl thing but I don't think so. When I was in Junior High I had a couple of friends (believe it or not) and they called me Peanut because I had to pee all the time. I wouldn't really call that a nickname but if you really think it is - ok. I guess at the time "Peanut" was better than "Loser" so if you still wanted to call me that today, I probably wouldn't mind. I mean "Peanut" not "Loser." If you call me "Loser" I'm bound by the laws as the badass I proclaim to be to come find you and kick your ass. But just to let you know I'm a non-violent person so my version of kick your ass would probably entail me getting you some bottled water from your fridge and maybe some chocolate and then after you have drank it all I would bop you on the head with it. DONE!!! I'm a fucking badass... Deal with it bitch!!
So... you might be thinking, what the fuck is this post about anyway? I know she's not going to beat me up and pee on me while eating peanuts... Or am I?????
No - I guess my problem is not with the peeing per say, but with the soap I have to wash my hand with afterwards. Of course I'm talking about my work bathroom soap. It smells ok, it works ok, but once and a while someone will be cheap and water down the fucking soap!!! I can't even tell you how much this grosses me out. Well, actually I can because that's what I'm doing now...
I'm just a LITTLE germ-a-phobic and I have this notion that when soap is watered down that it's got tons of germs in it... Haha... I know it might sound a bit ridiculous, but think about it... The cleaning lady comes in and realizes she's out of soap. She's a problem solver who used to be in on the math team in high school so she decides to add water so it will last longer. What she doesn't know, is that germs are in water!!! So not only do the germs have a party in the soap container, they are also getting trashed at a frat party all over my fucking hands!! Just like that Mucus commercial where the green guys party all day and all night.
Damn Harold (that's what I call the Mucus guy)... He keeps filling my head with these crazy germ thoughts and all he does is sit back and have a good laugh at me. That bastard. Someday when I meet him I'm going to kick him right in the nads. Haha... I just wrote nads... Haha...
So until that day, Mr. Harold, I'll be holding my breath... well, not really but it sounds like I'm hardcore though, huh? Hells yeah!!!!!!!!!