Monday, April 02, 2007
There's a cougar on the loose!
I used to love tigers. I used to have this long poster on my wall of an orange tiger and a white tiger lying next to each other. I'm not sure if they were "just friends" or "lovers" but I loved the picture anyway. Maybe that's why I've decided to become a cougar.
Do you even know what a cougar is? I didn't until I saw that commercial about someone's boyfriend being hit on by one, but it was really his mom. But I don't really want to be a mom who hits on her son, (that's really disturbing) but I think I'm going to start dating younger guys. Actually - the reality of it is - is that I've never dated anyone older than me. Is that weird or am I just rockin' the cradle of love? Or is it robbing the cradle of love? What the fuck does a cradle have to do with this at all anyway? It's not like I want to date a fucking 3 year old. A 19 year old, maybe... A 12 year old - no thank you.
But unfortunately when you date someone, sometimes the 12 year old comes out and all of a sudden you realize you are dating a "man" but this "man" should really be in junior high. Maybe this is just a "girl post" or something. (don't you love the quotes? I could quote everything if it makes you that happy... It kinda makes me happy, so I'm going to keep doing it for myself... That's right!! I'm selfish!! It's like I'm in high school and we are talking about that cute guy who would never even look at me but I had a huge crush on... Charlie... Did I say that outloud?? Shit - he's probably a fucking looser now anyway...) But sometimes even when I meet older guys they seem to be the same 12 year old that I've dated before. Why do all these guys want to be taken care of and play video games all day? I really have nothing against video games, per say... But it's more of the being taken care of thing that creeps me out. Why do I have to be your Mom and sleep with you??? If I wanted to be a Mom I would have a freaking baby.
So maybe I don't want to be a cougar. Unless this cute non-gay model comes up to me and is like, "You are one sexy be-atch and I don't see any wrinkles so do want to go to the zoo and see the tigers?" In that case, I may just say it's ok. Again - as long as he's not gay and at least 19 years old. Oh - and he can't live with his mom because how fucking weird would that be if I came over for dinner and found out his mom is my age... UNCOMFORTABLE!!!
I take it back. I've decided I just need a sugar daddy that's about to die so that I can live a fulfilling rich life with myself and my dog. Because I think we all know that my dog is really the only boyfriend I need. (Don't you dare think dirty thoughts...)
So I really admire the Demi Moore's of the world but I think I'll stick to the life style that only a nice Catholic girl would have...