Sunday, April 22, 2007

I don't, I won't, I swear...


Because list are pretty cool and it seems to be something that bloggers do, I'm just going to list a bunch of things I don't want to do. Plan and simple. For no fucking reason other than that it amuses me. That's ok with you, right?? And of course I don't care if it's ok with you because as we all know, I'm going to do it anyway.

1: I don't want to live in this house.

2: I would prefer not to work at a sewage plantation and smell like pooh all the time.

3: I would rather go for a ride in this rather than this.

4: I don't ever want to jump out of a plane for fun because, seriously, how fun would it be if you jumped out and after 3 seconds your parachute didn't open... Probably not that fun....

5: Sometimes I think I would want to do this but instead end up doing this.

6: I think it would suck more to have to live through the ice age then live through global warming... Of course only if you believe in it. If you don't, then that's cool... We can just pretend that #6 doesn't exits. Just like the dinosaurs.

7: I hope, if I ever decide to birth something that it never looks like this. Ummmmm.... Yeah...

8: I think that if I ever had to be a pedicure person I would make a sign that said if you have nasty feet you are not allowed past this line. In which there will be a yellow duct taped line where they will not be able to cross. Not sure where this line will be, but I can assure you - you DO NOT want to cross it.

9: I don't want to do this because not only would it suck to bruise my tail bone again but I'm pretty sure I'd be cold all the time. In case you didn't know, skaters skate on ice which is water frozen at a very cold temperature.

10: And the 10th thing I don't want to do is sit in a office all day, because do you know what happens when you sit in an office all day? This happens. Yup - your ass become fat.

My goodness - that was one of the most trying entries ever... But now not only do you have insight into some of my fears, you can now add on to your own fears, because I'm so fucking good at making people a little more crazier than I am. Like it or not, I've sucked you in like an alien from the original Star Trek. (yes - it's on TV right now and I'm not ashamed)

Love you, my little lovely lamp lighters?,?,?,

Erica

46 comments:

Erica AP said...

You can comment now!!!!

Gregg O'Connell said...

thank god!
aren't you also afraid of dying?

Erica AP said...

Gregg: This is a post about things I don't like... Not about things I'm really afraid of. But I'm not so sure I'm that scared of dying... I'm invincible - didn't you know?

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Awwww... enabled comments. I can now comment at will! Feel the burn baby!

Erica, I hate lists. But I love your lists. Except the part about the belly dancing. You are mucho hot and way better than the chick in the second photo.

velvet girl said...

When I was younger, I knew a girl who was a really good figure skater and it surprised me that her feet always sweat in her skates. Mine were always toe-sicles. I guess that she was working a lot harder than I was.

Erica AP said...

QofD: I'll never do a list post again because the fear of you not coming back to my site scares me so much that I was thinking about hiding under my desk while I suck my thumb. Thanks - now I have the courage to belly dance with the best of them. :)

Velvet: Really? He feet sweat a lot? That is kind of weird, unless she was just one of those sweaters... Not like a wool sweater but a foot sweater. Haha...

Jay said...

That igloo might not be all that bad if it weren't for the lack of TV and internet connections. Maybe it's a wireless hotspot though? Then I could take my lap top, which would be better anyway since I don't see a good wall that I could put a desk and a PC against anyway.

I would hate to work for a circus. Cause I know they would want me to clean up after the animals. Which would really suck. And, the Bearded Lady would probably be the only chick that would hit on me. ;-)

Erica AP said...

Jay: Not living with the internet would suck... But I'd have to agree with you that cleaning up animal dung is defiantly something I wouldn't want to do. And I'm scared of rides and I just know that they would make me go on them... Damn carnies telling me to go on the tea cups...

Michael C said...

Nothing wrong with Star Trek and the way I see it, you created a great list!!!

Erica AP said...

Michael C: I know - I love the getups and the music... It's pretty freaking awesome. :) I'm glad you approve!!

Captain Smack said...

I'm not completely clear on #5. When you say that you would want to "do" this (but would end up doing the other this) I assumed you meant that you would like to try going lesbian, but would probably end up with someone who's not very attractive.

Then I realized, after reading QofD's comment, that you may be talking about belly dancing.

So which is it? (I'm rooting for the lesbo thing)

SaM-GiRL said...

hahahahahaha! wow.....that baby is BIG....hope he was smaller when the poor mom gave birth...otherwise i think her sex life is non existent, having a minge the size of a hippo's yawn and all! lol.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Holy shit Erica, was #5 about you being lesbo with that bitch? I thought you're non-lesbian tendencies belonged to me! And Emily! Oh the humanity!

Erica AP said...

Captain Smack: I was talking about belly dancing but if I was to have gay tendencies towards anyone it would be QofD only. She could light a fire under anyone. And she agreed to Jello wrestle me. What girl could pass that up??

Sam: I know!!! That baby is like a hippo it's self! Unless it's a fake/altered picture. God - I hope it is... :)

QofD: You know you are the only girl I have eyes for... I would never be gay for anyone else - even if she was a hot belly dancer.

Slick said...

Ooooo, belly dancin'. I don't want to do it but I don't mind watchin'.

That kid needs nothing but rice cakes. Geeez-us

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Dude, is it a slow day on the internet or what?

Erica AP said...

Slick: You wouldn't mind watching the big-bellied-belly dancer, either? And I heard rice cakes make you fat so maybe that's all he really ate...Hummmmmm....

QofD: No shit... I hear you sista, like a sonic bat?...?...? I think that was my attempt to be funny...

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Sonic bat? Ha ha ha.... you kill me!

Sonic? Get it?

Alright, now I'm just being an asshole. You are funny!

Erica AP said...

QofD: No - I'm the asshole because I don't get "it"... Damn you and your big words... Oh wait - I said that word and it's not big. Hi! I'm asshole... Nice to meet you!!

Queen of Dysfunction said...

(smacks forehead)

Erica AP said...

QofD: I feel obligated to respond to your comment but I just don't know how too...

Miss Misery said...

Yes I generally hate lists too, I mean if they include: "List of what I did today" unless what the person did today was very interesting and didn't involve laundry or shopping at Walmart, in which case I don't mind lists too much, but I definietly don't mind your lists at all.

Erica AP said...

Miss Misery: I'm glad you approve of my list because if you didn't I would feel bad... Very bad. :)

jane said...

I swear, #5 goes to show us why so many of us are fat. Look @ how happy the fat chick is compared to the thin, beautiful chick. Or maybe I'm just trying to console myself for looking like the fat chick's twin. Fuck it!

Erica AP said...

Jane: You are so right!!! She is having a ton more fun and I bet she eats what she wants without feeling guilty... I'd say that we should all strive to be #2 belly dancer! Hooray!!!

Matt said...

Not everyone from Vermont is gay, Erica. Gawd.

Erica AP said...

Matt: You are right... I'm not gay. But you??? I guess I just don't know you well enough... Haha...I kid, I kid... I have no idea if you are a homophobe or not so I have to say I'm kidding... Gawd.

Dan said...

I think it would suck more to have to live through the ice age then live through global warming

No freaking kidding! I mean, look at that nerd in the ice house you didn't want to live in. You think he's happy? I doubt it.

Matt said...

And what does the "AP" even stand for?

Erica AP said...

Dan: You are so right... That guy kinda looks happy, but I bet deep down inside he's not. He's probably just afraid of global warming. Haha...

Matt: Well, if you really cared you would have looked it up... It means Accounts Payable. No - It actually means Associated Press. No - for real, it's my initials. Crazy, huh??

Natalie said...

I've been trying to comment here for, I don't know, a week. What is wrong with me?

Don't answer that.

These are terrific do's and don't's. Especially that birthin' that whale of a baby thing.
You'd need some unholy birthin' hips for that one. In fact, I think birthin' a baby like that would hurt more than... hmmm... tooth extraction.
Yeah. Definitely.
A split definitive.
;)

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Erica, I am going to whore you out on my site as part of a "best of MY internet" post. Or something like that.

Erica AP said...

Natalie: Teeth stuff does hurt like hell, but I'm assuming that birthing something that big would take a toll on your body that I'm just not willing to make. Haha...

QofD: Awesome! You can do anything you'd like. You know I was thinking the other day that I don't think I've ever whored you out... So I will be doing it in the future because what are internet friends if you can't get a little whoring action??

The Boob Lady said...

I love you even more now.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Erica, do you ever have the fever for the flavor of a Pringle?

Helen said...

Oh my god! There is this folk festival every year where I live, and the other year, all these....well...overweight women were belly dancing through the streets, and trust me, it's not something I want to experience again!
Helen xx

Erica AP said...

Boob Lady: I think our love will stand strong for a life time of hearts and Crunchies.

QofD: You know - I usually don't get that fever. I did a couple of weeks ago and got some jalapeƱos ones but decided that I'd rather have dance fever than Pringle fever.

Helen: No way!!! I wonder if that picture is from your town!! Haha... That would be so funny!

James Burnett said...

Hmmm. That was a fat ass.

And that plane looks like the one I flew to Aruba on a while back.

Erica AP said...

James: Really? You flew on a plane made out of wood? Was it scary and creeky like a wooden rollercoaster?

The Boob Lady said...

I think it will too. I am going to move to Cali I think and open a Crunchie store. Will you come?

Blondie said...

Number six is my favorite.
I miss your blog!
*Note to self... visit Erica's blog more often...*
We'll see if I listen.

Erica AP said...

Boob Lady: Of course I'll be there. It would be like heaven to me. :)

Blondie: Haha... Thanks! Are you not really writing anymore on yours?

just me said...

i never want to jump out of a plane either.

I mean, why do something for fun that most people do in fear and horror?

Erica AP said...

Just Me: I'd have to say that's some sound reasoning. I'm siding with you!!

123Valerie said...

I don't ever want to get a mustache wax, but I'm kind of excited about a bikini wax.

Thanks for swinging by, doll. We're in the early stages, but I'll keep you posted if the Folk Fantasm hits San Diego!

Erica AP said...

123Valerie: I've heard when you get older you grow hairs in weird place... Those are the places I'm not excited about waxing... :)