Sunday, April 29, 2007
Healthy Americans Do It Right!
I was sitting eating lunch like every healthy American should and I saw this guy walking. No big deal, right? Just a guy walking around - on his way to the local coffee shop or hairdressers, but there is something a little odd about him. Just a little...
He's carrying a bag. Not just any bag. A fucking black trash bag. A 10 gallon, black, plastic, with the red pull strings, trash bag. And it wasn't full. Oh no... I was about 1/3 full.
What does this mean??? What was he carrying???
I can understand if he was collecting bottles or something but wouldn't you know it, he walked right by the trash cans... Actually I think he steered clear of the trash cans. And why do you think that is?
I believe he was carrying body parts. I know.... Completely creepy and crazy but if you live around here you would understand. About a month or two ago there where some body parts found on the side of the highway and I don't believe they ever found the killer.
What if... what if that guy was the body-cutter-upper? What if that guy walking with a 1/3 half full trash bag was carrying some fingers and a head?? What if he just wanted to go to the coffee shop and drink his coffee in peace but I followed him in there and accused him of being a serial killer and when the cops came and opened the bag they realized that he was just carrying his smelly clothes from the gym because he had spilled his energy drink in he normal gym bag and really just went to the coffee shop to give him a boost because he had to go to his girlfriends house for a fun filled night of lovin'? What if I never wrote a run on sentence ever again?? How would we all feel if run on sentences and 1/3 half full trash bags were pseudonymous with crazy girls on their lunch breaks with over active imaginations????
I'm pretty sure the world would end as we know it... And that's no laughing matter.
So next time you see a guy walking with a trash bag, make sure you stop and ask him whether he is carrying heads or sweaty boxers because that would probably make a big difference in the police report.
PS: My Blogger Idol interview is here for your listening pleasure. :)