Monday, March 26, 2007
Suck it up tan monster!!!
Have you ever been watching TV late at night and have been subjected to those commercials that could be infomercials, and feel like they last an hour but really are only a minute long?
The ones I'm talking about are the ever so tempting weight loss commercials. I can't be the only one with basic cable, who doesn't have a DVR and a strong drive to watch TV until all hours of the night. I can't be the only one who is watching old reruns of Scrubs and South Park but am a little bit more drawn into the infomercials than the actual shows.
You wonder, "How the hell can that be, Erica??? Scrubs is funny as hell and South Park?? Do I even need to explain?" But my retort is, "Have you ever really watched one of those fucking commercials?"
No - I don't think you have.
Let me explain what I see. I see a picture a bottle with some cute little pills that will make you lose 500 pounds and make you really fucking tan and also turn you into a transvestite! Who would have know that when you take these pills, not only do you lose weight, you become a man who's had a sex change! Sign me fucking up!!! I love looking like a orange lady on the outside and a man lady in the Adams Apple area. And possibly the genitally area...
Maybe what the creators or producers of this commercial do is, hold open auditions but hone in on the manly/womanly types so they can do before and after pictures. Before = normal over weight American lady. After = Male transvestite wearing the same freakin' clothes but with their firm muscles and toned abs rippling through their shirts.
Now, I'm a girl. I know that it's basically impossible for a woman to get abs like that unless you were born.... A man.
Done and Done. That's what I believe and that's the side of coleslaw that I'm sticking with. (Yes- I actually sometimes like coleslaw.... Although, if I'm at KFC the mac and cheese and mash potatoes are to die for... But don't actually go killing yourself for them because they aren't THAT good. But the popcorn chicken?? That's is fucking awesome. But who even knows if it's really chicken... Right? I thought it was call Animal 51 or something... Man... Fuck you!! Now I can't even eat there any more because all I'm going to think about is how I'm eating chicken that was grown with out a head...)
So, I guess what I'm asking is, do you think that these actors are like stunt doubles and really posing as women when they are men, or do you really think they are the real deal? I need to know or I won't be able to sleep tonight. Well, after this glass of wine I'll probably be able to sleep pretty well, but I'll be losing a minute of my thought process and that is a very precious minute because in that minute I was planing on taking over the world and making everyone rich in the process...
That's right... I care for everyone on the planet. I know... I'm the nicest girl you've ever met. I can't help it my parent raised me right... The only thing I would change is I'd get rid of those fucking commercials.