Sunday, February 25, 2007
Love the plant like it's one of your own
So you might have thought my last post about crazy people was weird. Or maybe you just thought that I was crazy. Whatever conclusion you came to I'm just going to solidify the fact that I might waver on the side of crazy more than sane.
I have a plant. One lone plant. It's actually a bunch of bamboo things that don't need much more attention than a little bit of water love once and a while. But the problem is, is that I feel bad. I feel bad I can't give my plant more love.
I've read a study where if you actually talk to your plant it will grow better. I talk to my TV all day but I don't see that thing growing any Travel Channel stations or becoming more LCD. I talk to myself but I don't see my boobs getting any bigger. WTF??
So the other day I was watering my little plant and decided it deserved a little bit of love from the only mother it will ever have. So, fucking laugh all you want - I talked to it. That's right. I actually said, "You are a good little plant, being all green and stuff." But the sad part about it was that I got bored. I got bored of trying to talk to something that doesn't respond to me. Does that make me an attention whore? (My plant is GLARING at me right now. I can tell after I'm done writing this that we'll have to have a "talk". Oh, how I hate those talks. It'll tell me it doesn't appreciate the way I talk about it behind it's back and if I want this relationship to continue I'm going to have to keep what we say in private. Damn bamboo bitch...)
So I got tired of talking to it. Who cares, right? Well, wouldn't you know, my little bamboo bitch started growing yellow leaves instead of the nice chlorifill filled leaves. Is it telling me that it's pissed or is it just upset that I don't talk to it as much as I should?
Damn those scientists and studies. If they hadn't done those studies, do you know how much easier my life would have been? I could just be watering my plant and not have to go through the thought process that I just made you go through. Aren't you pissed at those scientist too? They made you read this crap and I bet you are now feeling guilty for not talking to your own plants.
Well, I'm over it, so I guess it just suck for you. Because there's nothing worse than reading about someone who feels guilty for not talking to their plants and in turn makes you feel guilty. And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse the original person who made you feel guilty doesn't give a shit about the plant in the first place...
Did I just get all crazy on your ass or scientific? I don't think we'll ever know. (or maybe I just don't want to know)
Sci-fi Dr. Erica (because I've got my doctorates in plantology)