Sunday, January 14, 2007
Oven vs. Drinks
Ok - We all know that wimpy-wimps move to California because it's warm, but I don't think I signed up for this.
I'm from Vermont. I skied when I was younger and spent countless hours in the snow building forts (yes - the snow was so high I could build forts) and running buckets of water down sled grooves to make them crazy fast. But the older I got the more I realized that cold weather is actually my arch nemesis. Not only do you have to drive in it, but it makes one (ok - maybe just me) have slight symptoms of tourettes syndrome. I would get in my car and instead of saying, "Man is it cold out!" I would yell, "Oh fucking, mother of shit, it's so fucking cold out, you mother fucker!!!!!" Possibly over and over again until my heater would kick in.
I thought I had left that all behind when I moved. I thought wrong. It's gotten into the 30's lately. And wouldn't you know it, my heater broke. That little weird wall heater that occupies all California apartments, that when you turn it on you think you might, just might, burn the whole house down because it blasts out an obscene amount of flames that is covered with only a thin sheet of metal with tons of holes in it. But you figure... Hummm... Nobody else thinks this is strangely unsafe so it MUST be safe.
So that brings me to my new heat source and possibly me new replacement for my favorite drink. I decided that the only way that my puppy and I could survive is to turn on my oven and leave the door open to heat the house. Just in case you have never done this, (although I'm pretty sure this is the way they heated houses in the olden days - not sure what "olden day" mean but I'm thinking it was before the time of wall heaters) you open the door and you are visited by the nicest burst of warm air you have ever imagined. It heats your little bum to the core-soul and puts all your fears on the shelf.... Until you start laughing a little and think, "This smell that I smell... What is this... I have smelled (smelt??) it before and something tells me it's not right." A half an hour later I realize that it is the very strong smell of gas. Not human or dog gas, but natural gas.. Haha... Not gasoline but gas. (If you don't know what I mean - then go look it up asshole!) So I have become gitty on gas. And you know what??? I like it. I'm warm and I feel drunk and I think this might just be my new drink of choice. I call it the, "Burnin' Heater" and someday I plan on making big bucks from it. So back off!!!!
So if you are feeling like you need a lift and a little heat - pull you seat up and order a "Burnin' Heater" and be proud when you say, "I read the blog of the person who made this drink."
I swear I'm not gassy Erica