Monday, January 29, 2007

Love Me - Love the Music I Make


I love my dog. My dog loves me. I love music. My dog loves music (I think). I like playing my own music. My dog HATES my music.

It's a nice evening with a glass of wine and a toasty warm room and I get inspired to play a little bit of gee-tar... I start off soft like using Charmin's Toilet Paper for the first time, and sing sweetly like Snow White singing to her birds. But the more I get into it the louder I become and that's when my pup gets up, looks at me, rolls his eyes (he's very talented), and actually leaves the room to sit by himself. He would rather sit all alone in another room, in the freaking dark, than listen to me practice. Mannnnnnnnnnn... Isn't your dog supposed to love you unconditionally? Even if you just yelled at him because he is growling at every little noise he hears? Even if you yell at him and he ignores you? Even when you play guitar like a 3rd grader? I thought that your dog is supposed to love you more than your parents...

Well, you know what pup? FUCK YOU! Just kidding!!! I love you, I love you, I love you and you are soooo cute and I would never swear at you unless you were really pissing me off, and maybe you are right. Maybe I should start learning some Shania Twain covers and singing like Led Zeppelin. (Because those are his favorite musicians) If I start playing that stuff will you stay in the room with me and clap when I'm done? You can sing along if you want too... Alright - you can come on stage with me and sing a little at my next show. But you are no Brian from the Family Guy - I'm just making that clear right now, because I'm the star... Not you. The spot light is on me Mr. Brian wannabe. You are just going to have to deal with it because we all know you aren't as well read as Brian... Oh, I'm sorry!! Don't leave!!! Wait- I'll play some Shania for you!!!

OK - maybe I'm just a little obsessed with my dog and maybe he rules my life just a little. And I see nothing wrong with me having whole conversations with him because I'm usually by myself...

Oh shit - did I just write all that for the whole World Wide Web to read? Fuck it - if you have a problem with it I'll just have my dog attack your shoes. Because that's what he does best, obviously. Shoe's are like the hydrogen in his Hindenberg.

Crazy yelling dog lady,
Erica

27 comments:

Gregg O'Connell said...

erica,

you're turning into one crazy biotch! ha ha ...

Erica AP said...

Gregg: I know!! You love crazy cool people!!

davido said...

Ha! My dog loves my playing, cuz I so rock! heh heh. Then again, my dog isn't exactly Brian in the smarts department, so maybe he's like that kid on the Simpson's who keeps sticking his hand into the fryer trying to get something he dropped, over and over and over.. "Ow."

Erica AP said...

Davido: Haha... That's awesome that you rock so hard. I think my dog wishes I was more like the Carpenters. Haha... Is that the kid who eats things that aren't edible?

davido said...

Hmm, no, I think you're talking about Ralph Wiggam. I'm talking about the pimply faced teenager who works the Krusty Burger grill.

As for Family Guy, when I first saw it I didn't want to like it--the animation doesn't scream "subversive humor ahead!", but damn, that guy's funny.

davido said...

So? Did ya click to visit the Tuniverse?

The site is a "beta" release still, so I haven't been pushing it yet.

Erica AP said...

Davido: Ah, yes, Ralph. He's a funny little boy. The pimple boy is naaasty. I love the Family Guy but don't particularly like American Dad. But of course the Simpsons are standard.

James Burnett said...

Well, if your dog is like Brian Griffin you're screwed. You're gonna have to start playing operas and classical to satisfy his tastes!

Erica AP said...

James: I know!!! How can I live up to a such a well bred dog? I don't know how to play classical music. Man - Now I'm having an anxiety attack. :)

davido said...

Today Harry the dawg is getting *several* teeth extracted. We are BAD owners, never brushing his teeth.

Disclaimer: I rarely sing when I play guitar, and usually only practice acoustically, so Harry has not really experienced the true fear of my so-called music.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Erica, I think that your dog simply needs to be conditioned to love your music. Buy one of those electrified Skinner boxes, put him in it, and play your music before you turn it on. Then turn on a variety of other artists while shocking the hell out of him. After a few sessions he'll positively adore your music. Promise!

Sign me,
Better than that prima donna dog-whisperer Cesar Milan

Steven Novak said...

You know, I listened to some of your stuff last night on myspace...

Very good...very, very good...

You've got a hell of a voice.

Steve~

Erica AP said...

QofD: I guess the shock system would work but knowing how mentally unstable my dog is already... It might just put him over the edge. Oh - and you are way better than that Whisperer guy. Way better.

Davido: Teeth pulled?? Man - I have never brushed my dogs teeth. I hope he doesn't need dentures someday because I'm not so sure I could afford that. :)

Erica AP said...

Steve: Aww... That's very nice of you but I really didn't write that entry to get people to listen to me... Haha... My dog really leaves the room and I think it's pretty damn funny. But thank you for taking the time from your busy rockstar writers life... :)

Queen of Dysfunction said...

Steve's a rockstar writer? Seriously? I thought he was supposed to be a witty nerd. Or a closet fashionista. Or a crime fighting Anglophile.

Erica AP said...

QofD: Damn you writers and your big words!!!! Making me google shit. Oooo... A fashionista??? How about a crime fighting fashionista? Are you a Anglophile?

Dan said...

I love you Erica just because you're you. Gosh that's gotta be one of the corniest things I've ever said (still it doesn't come close to almost everything that Gregg says so I don't feel so bad).

Man, your dog ROCKS! And I love your dog, even though he doesn't love your music. He has his own tastes and we should respect them.

Hell, I even love Gregg ... but not as much as that girl in the photo with him. Yowza!

Queen of Dysfunction said...

So Erica, my large words confounded you? Score!

...and everyone thought an English degree could only be used to serve up fries with that.

Erica AP said...

Dan: You are awesome also, but are you sure you haven't been drinking a little? You sound like me when I get to the "I love you" stage... :) And at that stage I try not to stare at all the fake boobs around here, like Gregg does.

OofD: Now you serve fries??? I think you may just be my dream girl. And you know I think I'm a Anglophile (copy and paste)... More than half of my exes have been from England. SO... if you serve me fries and speak in an English accent I will be the butter on your toast. Haha... :)

Blondie said...

Hah. Good stuff...

I have two dogs who I still call "pups"... and they're four.

Maybe yours really is a pup...
Or maybe you're truly just nuts like me.

Nice blog... I'll be back.

Erica AP said...

Blondie: No - I'm am totally nuts. I think my dogs about 3 or 4 also and I still call him a pup. Because he's just so damn cute! Haha... That's me - a crazy dog lady. :) Thanks for visiting!!

Dan said...

OK, I'm sober now. And you know what? I still love you, but not as much as Gregg does. So if you want him, he's yours. I'll understand. :)

thethinker said...

I don't think the whole World Wide Web will have a problem with that. A bunch more people have worse secrets than talking to a dog (who, I'm assuming, doesn't talk back to you?).

Erica AP said...

Dan: Please - take him. I can't be around him for too long or we start arguing... haha... He's all yours!!!!

The Thinker: Thank you for setting my mind at ease. What? Your dog doesn't talk back to you? :)

Miss Misery said...

A crazy dog lady beats a crazy cat lady any day...lol!

Anonymous said...

erica do you really love your dog? how is he in bed:)

Erica AP said...

Anon: I'll have you know that, that's not the kind of love I have for him... You sick fuck!! Haha...