Thursday, January 25, 2007

Color me M and M


I respect my elders. Really I do. Well... Maybe I don't. Maybe I am just a little defiant when my elders tell me what to do. Ok - I'm a teenager stuck in an adult body. I admit it and have been going to a 12 step program and I'm still in the denial stage. But, dudes (and dudettes), who likes to be told what to do? I sure as hell don't. Even if my respected elder is nice about it, I start a whole argument in my head that fuels the fire of angst, "Can you do this next time, because what you've been doing it not what I want. Thanks so much." (no - this isn't the creepy Office Space guy) I respond all smiles with, "Ok - no problem! I understand." But as soon as they leave I'm cursing under my breath and I've started the dialog that goes a little like this: "Why the hell do I have to do it THAT way when I've been doing it fine all along and everyone ELSE does it THIS way and no one else gets a talking to, and who the hell are YOU anyway to tell me what to do BE-ATCH!!!" Then I may go into different versions of this with different swear words, and I try to keep it in my head but I'm sure someone somewhere must see me talking to myself...

So that makes me think, when do we become elders, exactly? I would like to know the exact time, date, day of month and moon rotation. Do you become an elder when you have kids or at a certain age? Do you have to have wisdom or just a stick up your ass? Would I be considered an elder? (Man - I don't think I have ever typed the word "elder" so much in my entire life) If you have to have kids or be really old, then, I don't want it. Nope!!! I wash my hands of my elderness. I'm going to have an elderness life. (FYI - Elderness is a way cooler word than elder)

I guess what I'm realizing, everyday that I get older, is that I don't want to grow up. I want to stay young forever. Not in my junior high, coke bottle glasses, with high waters, stage - but in my college, drink and hang out with friends stage. Growing up scares me so fucking much that I often hang out with Mr. Groundhog in his dugout in the ground and only come out for special occasions. (Which would be of course, Halloween because of all the great candy at Target, and New Years because you get to party like you are 21) But I don't think those special occasions are enough. I want to live everyday like I want. I don't want ANYONE telling me what to do and I want to go out and party like a Paris Hilton wannabe. I don't want to be responsible and grow up and I defiantly don't want some mofo telling me to do something differently that I don't even care about in the first place. Is that so bad? Does everyone have to grow up? Growing up is so booooooring...

But you know what's so good? M and M's at the candy store where you can get any colors you want mixed together... It's like an art project that you can eat!!!

Who's the freakin' kid now? That's right bitch!!!!

Love all elders my son,
Erica

19 comments:

Dan said...

Erica, I plan on staying young forever as well. Age is a state of mind as far as I'm concerned.

By the way, you may be a teenager in an adult body, but I'm no more than a 5-year old in an adult's body. Can you come out and play?

emily said...

"Do you have to have wisdom or just a stick up your ass?"

Holy sh!t, I really have to start commenting on your blog because you are freaking hysterical.

Queen of Dysfunction said...

I don't think you have to grow up. Ever. Hell, I don't want to grow up which is why I make a point of arguing with my six year old over Cookie Crisp every chance I get.

...all those naysayers that get on your case about growing up are just jealous that they aren't half as cool and fun as you are.

So there.

Steven Novak said...

You can try not to grow up and become old, but you will.

You'll start hating the musc kids listen to. You'll start complaing about your bones and smelling of that old people smell. You can't avoid it. No one can. ;)

Steve~

Erica AP said...

Dan: I think so too. Gregg is a 12 year old also... So maybe we can all go play together?? haha...

Emily: Thanks!! When is a stick up the ass joke not funny? :)

QofD: Yummm... Cookie Crisp... Cookies for breakfast... That's why you are so freakin' cool - you have kids but are still young at heart. And that's why I heart you. Haha...

Steve: Oh my god! I'm not lying - my hip started hurting last week when I walk... Haha... I think I need a hip replacement. Or one of those, "I've fallin and I can't get up" things. And I'm deathly afraid of the old person smell...

Gregg O'Connell said...

erica: you need to go listen to a old Green Day album and angst out all over your apartment!

I believe you become an elder when Jesus places the responbility in your hands.

Erica AP said...

Gregg: Green Day blows... I'm sorry. I would much rather put on some Beyonce and think I'm a booty shaker in the most real sense of the word. And not the word of God - just the word.

Helen said...

I am a teenager in a tennager's body at the moment, but I don't think I will ever feel 'grown up'. You'll always feel young inside (I think!).
All a teenager really wants is to be treated with a little bit more respect, and a bit more like an adult!
Helen

Helen said...

*teenager
(I spelt it wrong)

Erica AP said...

Helen: I know - when you we are young we want to be older but when we are older you just want to be young again. But doing your own thing and having to answer to no one is pretty cool too. Don't try to grow up too fast. :)

russkal said...

Just saw a "Peter Pan" play the other day and look what I found? An adult (not elder) who doesn't want to grow up!

Aren't we all?

Just stick to your guts, Erica. You'll know you're entering elderhood when it happens. In the meantime, wanna fly to neverneverland?

Erica AP said...

Russkal: I love Peter Pan but his tights freak me out just a bit. Haha... Neverland sounds wonderful. I'll see you there at around 9pm?? :)

Diesel said...

I had to grow up because being young was too exhausting. But I've decided not to grow old.

Found you via Dan's blog....

Erica AP said...

Diesel: Good for you. Growing old is getting old. :) Thanks for visiting my site!!

SaM-GiRL said...

As one of my friends always says : "youre only as old as the girl youre feeling up" lol! off topic, but just needed to share it. nice blog.

Erica AP said...

sam-girl: Haha... That's really funny, and totally on topic. Who doesn't want to feel young while feeling up someone? Thanks for visiting!!

James Burnett said...

Elders suck. I never want to become one. I don't care how old I get. Age shouldn't be a guarantee for respect, 'cause I know too many old fools. I respect the ones who've lived a million years and are wiser and are cool about their wisdom and nice about it and willing to share a little with the rest of us. But I have major beef with the ones who use their age as a get out of jail free card that allows them to be dicks to younger people. I had an "elder" here in Miami yell at me a couple of months ago on the train to work 'cause my brief case was where she wanted to sit. She made a big scene, though there were other open seats. So I moved my bag. What did she do? Promptly sat down two seats away with a smirk on her face, and put her bag in the spot where mine had been. Elders suck.

Erica AP said...

James: Man - sounds like a bad run-in with a mean old elder. :) I hope I never become a mean old lady. I don't think I would, but just what makes them that way?? Are they just getting senile or are they just that unhappy? Old people confuse me!!! Haha...

Miss Misery said...

Erica, I'm practically the same way. The only thing I am looking forward to about growing older is having my own place - where I can do whatever the hell I want =)