Monday, December 04, 2006
Titillating Apartment Love
Pet peeves anyone? You all know what I'm talking about. I hear it all the time. Toilet paper over or under, not rinsing the dishes before they go in the dishwasher (I've never owned a dishwasher - try washing dishes for real lazy bitches!!), gum snapping-bubble popping teeny-boppers. Well, maybe teens haven't done that since the eighties but it still doesn't mean that it wasn't annoying as hell. Right? Well, I have a pet peeve that pisses me off so much I literally yell "FUCK!!" And then mumble a bit until I find the light stick...
What is this light stick that I talk of, you ask? The ever-so useful flashlight. Maybe you've guessed my problem. If not I'll fucking spell it out for you... If I use more than 3 electrical things in my apartment my fucking electricity shuts off. This damn bitch (meaning my apartment) doesn't like it when I work more than 3 objects. WTF!!
OK - maybe this is an old house and maybe the wiring is from the 1920's but don't you think the real estate company would think - "Hummm.... This house is pretty old. Maybe we should rewire the place so it doesn't burn down." But instead they get a call from some other tenet from a newer building complaining about his lazy-ass dishwasher and how it's not getting all the spots off Target wine glasses. I can't even afford some nice Target glass. Try cooking a freakin' quick Mac'n'cheese in the microwave after a couple of drinks and the entire apartment saying, "Yeah - I don't really feel like doing all this work right now. So why don't you try cooking your own Mac'n'cheese. Thanks. I really appreciate it." That's of course when I let out my little swear word and work my magic hands to find a flash light in the dark. As soon as the flash light is found I see the light at the end of the dark tunnel... I get my keys, go out side and flip the breaker. I know, I know... I'm so knowledgeable and handy around the house. I can't help it if I was a man in a past life. So after a couple of minutes the electricity is back on I can go about my business like the business woman I am.
I guess this is just a warning to all those looking to get a new place. Ask how old the place is... Really. So next time you have some friends over you don't have to turn off all the lights to make some Margaritas and popcorn. I tell my friends, " I swear - I need to turn out the lights to make popcorn!" But I'm not so sure they believe. Damn perverts - ruining the power outages for the rest of us. But over all I can't complain... I love my apartment and all it's quirks. It's my new boyfriend - didn't you know???
Apartment loving ho,