Monday, December 04, 2006

Titillating Apartment Love


Pet peeves anyone? You all know what I'm talking about. I hear it all the time. Toilet paper over or under, not rinsing the dishes before they go in the dishwasher (I've never owned a dishwasher - try washing dishes for real lazy bitches!!), gum snapping-bubble popping teeny-boppers. Well, maybe teens haven't done that since the eighties but it still doesn't mean that it wasn't annoying as hell. Right? Well, I have a pet peeve that pisses me off so much I literally yell "FUCK!!" And then mumble a bit until I find the light stick...

What is this light stick that I talk of, you ask? The ever-so useful flashlight. Maybe you've guessed my problem. If not I'll fucking spell it out for you... If I use more than 3 electrical things in my apartment my fucking electricity shuts off. This damn bitch (meaning my apartment) doesn't like it when I work more than 3 objects. WTF!!

OK - maybe this is an old house and maybe the wiring is from the 1920's but don't you think the real estate company would think - "Hummm.... This house is pretty old. Maybe we should rewire the place so it doesn't burn down." But instead they get a call from some other tenet from a newer building complaining about his lazy-ass dishwasher and how it's not getting all the spots off Target wine glasses. I can't even afford some nice Target glass. Try cooking a freakin' quick Mac'n'cheese in the microwave after a couple of drinks and the entire apartment saying, "Yeah - I don't really feel like doing all this work right now. So why don't you try cooking your own Mac'n'cheese. Thanks. I really appreciate it." That's of course when I let out my little swear word and work my magic hands to find a flash light in the dark. As soon as the flash light is found I see the light at the end of the dark tunnel... I get my keys, go out side and flip the breaker. I know, I know... I'm so knowledgeable and handy around the house. I can't help it if I was a man in a past life. So after a couple of minutes the electricity is back on I can go about my business like the business woman I am.

I guess this is just a warning to all those looking to get a new place. Ask how old the place is... Really. So next time you have some friends over you don't have to turn off all the lights to make some Margaritas and popcorn. I tell my friends, " I swear - I need to turn out the lights to make popcorn!" But I'm not so sure they believe. Damn perverts - ruining the power outages for the rest of us. But over all I can't complain... I love my apartment and all it's quirks. It's my new boyfriend - didn't you know???

Apartment loving ho,

Erica

26 comments:

QofD said...

That sucks! Sorry to hear about your temperamental bitch of an apartment. Do you think you could snake a few extension cords from your neighbor's breaker box with nobody noticing? Are my trailer park stripes showing?

Erica Putis said...

QofD: Yeah!! Good idea... I've got no problem with trailer trash ideas. They are smart sons of bitches!!

James Burnett said...

It's hard bailing on an apartment you're comfortable in, even if it's a death trap.

I once pirated my neighbor's cable. He got better channels than me. What can I say?

Kristen said...

Ugh. It seems like no matter if you go to a great apartment, a crappy one...there's always problems! We lived in the ghetto and I hated it. Now we live in a nice area and I hate our place even worse because nothing ever happened to my car in the ghetto- we move into suburbia and my next door neighbors brat scratches my car with a metal pipe and they have yet to pay. Yeah.

Erica Putis said...

James: I actually just moved into my apartment and do love it but having to turn off the TV, fan and lights just to run the microwave is a complete pain in the ass. And I do only have basic cable... Hummm. :)

Kristen: That really sucks! Damn little brats! Suburbia can be a very strange place too.

Gregg O'Connell said...

that's what you get for moving out from the Point Loma Palace

Steven Novak said...

A freidn of mine tried the "turn off the lights to make popcorn" thing on me once...

I still don't poop right. ;)

Steve~

Erica Putis said...

Gregg: Your apartment is no palace. I hate to ruin your dillusion but someone's got to do it.

Steve: Haha... That really sucks that you had to be an unlucky one where the whole, "turn off the lights to make popcorn" thing turned out badly. Pooping is over rated anyway. :)

Gregg O'Connell said...

it is a palace!

it has

a filipino
a Herbie
an hdtv
a laptop
wii
xbox 360

Erica Putis said...

Gregg: nope - still not a palace. It's has to have:

winding staircase
in-ground in-door pool
a movie room
and about 20 maids and 5 cooks.

Do you have cooks at your palace?

QofD said...

Hey Erica, I'm forging plans to have my very own suburban palace erected on the grounds of QofD headquarters as we speak. It has a spiral staircase... but mostly because I had to build nine stories straight up to get the 10,000 square feet required to qualify as a palatial establishment.

Of course, since you have confirmed that trailer trash ideas aren't all bad, I will be running a complex system of extension cords to my home from seventeen neighbors over four blocks.

On a side note: I think pirating cable may be Bad Burnettiquette. I can't be sure though. More research is needed. Perhaps we should run James through a course of real-world testing?

Erica Putis said...

QofD: Haha... That's awesome. So will it look a little like the Leaning Tower of Pisa, without the leaning but with many wire cables coming out of it? You will have to send me a pic once it's erected. And I don't think stealing cable is good etiquette... Uh-oh James!!

QofD said...

Yes, it will look something like an architectural octopus, what with all the cords and cables coming out the windows.

By the way... you have been tagged.

Dan said...

Erica, thanks for stopping by my depraved corner of the blogosphere. Your corner is pretty depraved as well ... I like it! Maybe we should, like, swap bodily flu ... er ... starting again ... maybe we should, like, swap blog links or something.

That might rule ... and stuff.

Erica Putis said...

Dan: Haha... Swaping links is cool - the other - not so much. And it seems as though you are more popular then you lead on. Can you show me the way to popularity heaven?? I never learned in highschool. :)

Dan said...

Awesome, Sweetheart! I have linked to your fine corner.

The only "secret" I can think of is showing genuine interest in others. You visited me and left a comment (sort of an invitation to come and visit you). I took you up on it. Many won't -- that's fine, move on and visit others.

Write interesting stuff and you'll find yourself part of a cool group of people. That's about it, really.

Erica Putis said...

Dan: Thanks for the insight... I have just started taking an interest in reading bolgs and I love a good one... You're is definatly on my list. :)

Rob said...

Don't believe a word Dan says. He bought adspace on the CNN crawlwer. Right between your local weather and the latest headlines. He takes this way too seriously. :)

Erica Putis said...

Dan: That's so funny. But I guess what ever makes him tick (aka: get more hits on his site). haha... I should tell my friend greggoconnell.com to do that. He lives for his website. :)

Julianne B said...

sucks about our apartment... I hope it gets better

James Burnett said...

I live in the DMZ between urbania and suburbia. Still not sure which side I want to drift closer to. I'm leaning toward suburbia 'cause I have a yard and some space between me and my neighbors now. But in the concrete jungle I never had to worry about a neighbor letting his dog poop on my lawn and not picking it up.

Erica Putis said...

Julianne: Thanks! Not so sure it will get better but at least I've figured out the breaker situation. :)

James: Dog pooh sucks!! Haha... I try to pick up my pups pooh on a daily basis. And one thing that I love about San Diego is that there are tons of trees and lush greenery so it really doesn't feel like a city all that much. LA is a much different story.

Anonymous said...

i will re wire ur place for u my bro and dad r electricians. u love electricians- hahha

PS its Steve- cannt log in under sjlproductions?

Erica Putis said...

Steve: Do it!!! Can you hook me up with better free cable and some central heating/air???

James Burnett said...

I admit pirating cable was bad Burnettiquette. I was under the influence. I'll soon be joining my local congressman in rehab, after which everyone should have forgotten.

San Diego sounds cool. We have lots of grass in Miami. But if it isn't rooted in your yard it's floating on a pallet a hundred yards offshore.

Erica Putis said...

James: Haha.. I don't know what floating grass means but I had a full hearted laugh over it anyway. God, I'm weird. I just hooked up my VCR so I don't think I need to steal cable anymore... Someday I'll get a DVD player. :)