Do you ever get the feeling that you are leading a life that is supposed to be different from what you should be leading? Does that make sense?
This has been happening a lot to me lately. I'm not talking about someone who is leading a double life, or someone who wishes they were doing something else. I talking about this strange feeling I get often when I'm relaxed and thinking about music. It's completely overwhelming and it evokes such emotion in me that I often have to think about something completely different to make myself not get choked up. And it's not like I want to cry because I'm sad... It's more like because I get so excited. Maybe it's like a little day dream or something, and when I start feeling like this I start to really take a look at the life I'm leading and if it's the right choice for me. If thinking about being a real, fulltime, money making musician strikes such a cord in me, then why aren't I doing it? I mean really doing it. Not just doing it half assed. I mean the whole nine yards it takes to make money in that business. Writing, recording, playing out, promotion... It's really a lot of work. Maybe that's why I'm not doing it. Granted I would love to not work in an office 40 hours a week but at least the pay check is easy. And I'm still doing music but not full time. That also is because you have to have money to make money.
Maybe I'm getting these feeling more often because I'm getting closer to my destiny. Destiny is such a queer word. It's almost like the word "Soul". Yuck. But what if everything I'm doing is leading me to this feeling that just keeps getting stronger and stronger until I'm actually doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I feel like I'm talking out of my ass. Am I? Does anyone else ever feel like this?
These are like "what are we doing here?" questions... Which is not really something I can wrap my head around completely. Like, "are we each put here for a specific reason?", and "are our lives already planned out for us?" Damn, I'm so profound it hurts... Haha...
Maybe I just needed a good rambling today. Maybe next time I get that feeling I'll try to hold on to it instead of turning it off. What I should really turn off is my incoherent ramblings. Done!!!!!!! I'm doing it!!!!!!