Monday, May 01, 2006
So I've been reading a lot of articles lately. I know it will sound cheesy but they are love and relationship articles. I'm finding a lot of it I already know but parts of it seem a bit depressing. They talk about the stages of a relationship. First there's the initial going out on dates and wanting to spend all of your time with the other person, then it goes to more serious questions on compatibility of a long term future. By then the "love" feeling starts to dissipate. At this point you start to decide if you want to be with the person and try to work through the differences you have with each other and accept their flaws or not. If you decide to move ahead, communicate and are accepting of one another then you get to another, deeper level of love and intimacy. After that you get to a commitment stage where you know that if you can work through the earlier stuff you can survive the future stuff... It's basically something like that... What amazes me and depresses me is that having a relationship in general is very difficult and takes tons of work. I think most people (maybe just the younger ones) have this idealized vision of how a relationship should be. Myself included. I know it takes work, but if it takes too much work, is that right? If it's that difficult then maybe it shouldn't be. But after reading these articles it seems everyone in a relationship is going to have problems and the tie breaker is if you are willing to work through them or not.
Lately a few of my friends and I have been experiencing relationship bumps. The question that always comes up is, "How much can I handle?" Whether it be from stress, personality differences or communication problems, the question is always, "should I leave and if so - when?" In those articles it says in a new relationship that this point comes around 3-5 months. I've seen it twice already and felt one of them too much. But I think this point can come at anytime. I think stress can be a huge problem to solve. Not only in my own experiences, but with my friends too. They say if you can't love yourself, how can you love another? I think that rings true. Sad but true. Can stress pull apart a love forever? Would it ever be mend able? Would you want it to be?
There are just so many questions regarding love, relationships and breakups. If someone breaks up with you, do you make up reasons you would have been better off without them? Or are you doing just that - making it up? If you are breaking up with someone but don't fully know if you are doing the right thing, how do you decide? Do you actually write out the pros and cons about the other person or do you look at yourself and see the problems YOU have with accepting the other person. When are the problems too big to work through? And will acceptance of each other ever be fully there? There are so many loose ends. So many things that no one can answer for you or me.
So, I know we are always growing and learning from experiences, but when do you get to do this with a significant other that is ok with you the way you are? Or vice versa? When is the stress so bad that you need to be by yourself only and grow on your own? And when is enough, enough?
I know I don't have the answers but I hope someone does somewhere and can help my friends and I see the relationship light at the end of the tunnel... :) I love sounding intelligent. Haha...